In this relationship transition nothing is leaving. No love is leaving. I tell myself this over & over. Can I actually feel that? Can I feel that love is just changing form? That we cannot be in life partnership together. And whew, what a relief. To let that go.
What fills the space?
New places in my heart have been opened and touched and now I have the honor and pleasure of continuing to fill them with love.
Romance is everywhere. Let romance fill me and let it me separate from needing to box, contain, control, do life together. Let romance rule. and practice discernment with your heart.
No one else can fill her but you. But HER. But LIFE. Let it all fill you. Attaching - key word attach - it to one person is ludacris. It's a false notion of security. It's also the universe. Think about one sperm attaching itself to one egg and creating life. We want to pour into another. We yearn to pour into another and be poured into
Pour into me, my beloved. Pour all of you into me. Let me drink you.
My soul yearns for this, the return into another, into source. And, my body. My mind, other parts of me know that this return can be met by many, by life, by myself.
Can our hearts and bodies meet in the deep dance of transpersonal intimacy?
Can you move into depth with you without making it personal? Without needing you to chose me?
Can I see how when that desire to be chosen overtakes and overwhelms my entire body that it is actually another layer of your spirit coming online? That's it's another layer of your heart and womb dearmoring?
That it's new life. Emerging. Feel it. Pause to feel it. That's why it's such high sensation. It's new life. More space in you open to love, no longer protected.
The personal heart is the doorway. Can you trust that? That is where the integration happens.
Reclamation of romance. Romance at the airport. Romance in friendship. Inviting the personal heart to expand into the truth that the beloved is everywhere. She is everywhere.
And that all existence, is yearning or the beloved. That is what we're here for to yearn, to touch, to deepen, to lose, to die.
Love is not static. Love is not static. Mystery is our greatest resource.
The nature of conscious itself - "my mind was unable to stay, I fled towards my beloved." a quote from Emerald Podcast
Admist a painful relationship transition, can I drop into the truth that we are all lovers of the same beloved." And that she is always changing form. She does not stay.
I say this as I cry, "stayyyyy, stay right here. As close as you possibly can. Inside of me, deep inside of me. I breathe him in. For a moment I feel the bliss of union. Inhaling it, letting it shatter me open. I open to longing again.
In the opening, fear arrives. Grasp. Hold. Control. Contort. Can fear be a part of longing? Can fear be pleasurable?
Then why, if this is all true. Do we try and make love stay right here? Stay right here. And do not waiver.
The illusion of separation. The fear of separation. The holy door of abandonment.
A personal heart invites us to feel, over & over, our separateness, our individuality. The one who yearns.
So here I am, love changing form between two lovers. Wanting, trying to do it differently. To not let hate take over. To not go "into strict no contact," it's the only way, they say. It's the only way if I chose to close I guess..
What if there is another way? Can my personal heart -mind do it? Can we choose to hold the pulse of our changing love and actually let it change? Actually give it the space it needs to find a new form?
Is it delusion to already be feeling into what our relationship could be?
Or is it mature? is it non-dual?
I don't know.
Mystery is our greatest resource.
I feel pleasure as a breath in. I feel my wild innocence. I feel my naivety & trust.
I feel my beloved. Right here, in me.
And there it is, the return of longing. Oh how I long for someone to reflect the beauty of the beloved. Reflect her to me through you. Reflect her to me through you.
And another churn begins..